Wondering how to break up with someone you live with under the same roof? I can understand how difficult it might be. Break up itself is difficult, and on top of that, if you are living with someone and want to do so, it’s definitely not easy.
But don’t worry; in this article, I will tell you 12 ways that will make it easier for you to break up with someone you love and live with.
So before I discuss anything else, let me tell you the most important thing. And that is, you should never feel guilty about starting the breakup talk. The reason why I am stressing about this is that a lot of people think that they are somehow deceiving the other person.
But this is not the case. In fact, you are just being true to yourself. And remember, one can be true to others only when they are true to themselves. This way, you are also being true to your partner about your feelings.
However, I do recommend that before you think of ways to end your relationship with someone you live with under the same roof, ensure that this is what you want to do.
No, I am not contradicting what I said in the beginning – “to not feel bad about breaking up.” Sometimes there might be misunderstandings or arguments in the relationship. As a result of this, we hastily come up with a decision to break up.
However, we might later regret it. And this is why you should know whether you have genuine reasons to break up with someone you love. Or it was an unthoughtful one taken right after a fight.
You can also talk about it with your close friends or family to help understand if you really want to break up or not. If your friends also suggest breakup up after listening to your plight, you need to take an urgent call. Meanwhile, let’s discuss this subject in more detail.
12 Steps to Help you Breakup with your Loved One
Leaving someone after a long-term relationship isn’t easy. But sometimes, circumstances become intense and we are left with no choice but to throw our beloved partner out of our lives.
During this time, you might feel you are not good enough for a romantic relationship. This is the phase you need to deal with a breakup while living together effectively. This guide will help you bear a painful breakup without any guilt whatsoever.
Here are some of the easy-to-follow steps that would help you in breaking up with someone you love and live with:
1. Make sure to do it in person
This is extremely important. Do not go to a cafe, restaurant, or a friend’s place and call them that you want to break up. This is the most offsetting thing that you can do.
Also, for God’s sake, do not text – Hey! I don’t think so this will work. Let’s part ways.
When you have spent time with someone and you believe that you no longer can be with them, at least have the courage to do an open breakup conversation about this in person.
This is very important as you are about to talk about something very important. You cannot do so at a time that is not suitable.
For example, if your partner is busy with their work, or they are not in a good mood, or they are tense about something, then you cannot choose these times.
It will be inappropriate to talk to them about your decision. They are already disturbed or busy. So if you mention breaking up at such a time, they will hardly be able to come to terms with it.
Moreover, they will not be able to understand your point of view. This will, in turn, lead to chaos and confusion. And I am pretty sure you don’t want any of this. Therefore, spend time together and talk openly about your subjects. It would help you do a clean breakup with your partner.
3. Decide beforehand what to talk
Don’t just go and tell them that you are done with it. It is as important as what to talk as when to talk. Believe me, breakup talk requires good preparation to handle this situation effectively.
If you are confused about the same, you can write down the points you feel need to be discussed. For example, the mental stress you are having because of the arguments and the incompatibility you feel now, how do you believe that breaking up will help you and your partner as well?
One thing to note is that don’t just worry about yourself. Show genuine concern for your partner. For example, you can say that – I know the past days of our relationship were stressful for you as well.
Or I feel that we both will be at peace if we part ways. This will be best for our mental health.
Similarly, whatever you feel, you can talk about it by spending time together. Planning what to talk about will help you to avoid unnecessary conversations which might add to the stress.
4. Be Prepared for their Reaction
Since you have been living with your partner for a long time now, you probably must have an idea about how they will feel or react to it. So it will not be difficult for you to terminate your relationship with your lover.
For example, if they are sensitive, they might start crying, or if they are short-tempered, they might start showing anger. Similarly, if they are not too expressive, they might just stay silent.
However, it might also be that their reaction will be completely different than what you thought. But this is okay too.
The point is you should already be prepared for any kind of reaction from them. If you two have previously discussed it once or twice, your final say on the relationship status won’t be affecting them much.
This is because deep down they, too, might be knowing that this was coming. But if you are talking about your decision for the first time, expect anything from them.
5. Be true about your feelings
Do not hesitate to talk about them and be honest. I know that you might think that if you speak honestly, you might hurt the feelings of your partner. But think of it for a moment – if your partner wants to break up with you, won’t you expect an honest reason for the same?
Do not focus on things that maybe you should not mention. Whatever is in your mind, just speak it out. At least you will know that you were honest about everything and won’t feel guilty about it. Also, your partner, too, will respect you for clearly speaking whatever was in your mind.
Also, make sure to avoid sugar-coating things. This will only lead to confusion. You obviously should not be rude. But at the same time, you should not divert from what you actually mean.
Talk about what’s not working between you all and how you feel about it. This will also help to clear any confusion between you both if any. If not, at least you will be happy that you were honest about everything.
6. Take Charge of the Breakup Process
It might happen that you are the first one in the relationship who is thinking about the breakup. Your partner might not want the same. Therefore, you should take responsibility and own the breakup.
And take things lightly as you are not the only one going through a breakup phase. In fact, there are stories circulating the internet about celebrities coping with and surviving breakups. One could learn a lot about the healing process after their breakup by reading these stories.
There might be a lot of questions that you have to answer; answer them calmly and honestly.
When they start talking about their feelings and why they don’t want to break up, listen to them with empathy. Do not get frustrated.
However, do not indulge in never-ending conversations. Make sure that there you both come to a conclusion.
Do not try to prove that you are the innocent one and that all the mistakes, fights, or arguments you had in your relationship were because of your partner.
Blaming everything on the other person is a very bad thing to do. This implies not just to your partner but to anyone.
It is very unlikely that the other person might be doing all the wrong things. After all, we all are human beings and are likely to make mistakes.
Therefore, apologize for your mistakes too. And explain how it is the better option for both of you to end this relationship.
However, make sure that your partner does not do the same thing to you. If they try to put all the blame on you, stop them right away.
8. Allow them to talk after you are done
After you are done with whatever you have to speak, make sure to become a good listener. Listen to them carefully and calmly. Don’t interrupt them or try to make them feel that they are wrong.
Explain your point only after they finish. This way, they will not feel that you are not open to listening to their viewpoints.
If you keep on interrupting them, they will think that you do not value them or what they have to say. Although you both are breaking up, don’t forget that once you both had good times too.
9. Talk about the good times
Surely you must have experienced many good things with your partner. They must have helped you to become a better person in one way or the other.
You can tell them that you are grateful for all the things they did for you. And for every good memory, you had with your partner. It is not necessary that everything has to end badly. Change this viewpoint.
Talking about all the good things you both experienced in your relationship will help you both feel better about it. You can relive those by discussing them.
By showing gratitude to your partner, you will gain respect in your partner’s eyes. They will feel that you value their emotion and efforts. It will also make it easier for you to part ways with someone your live with. Since living together means a lot of time together.
10. Help them Deal with the Breakup
Don’t stop all your conversations right after the breakup. It might not be easier for the other person to deal with it.
Therefore, try to become a friend at such times. They must be in a vulnerable position, and a lot of things might be going on in their heads.
Support them and help them to get over the breakup. Make them realize there are many things they can do in life to gain fulfillment. Just keep them energetic and enthusiastic during this depressing phase.
This will be helpful for you too. Because believe me no matter who breaks up, it is tough for both partners. Especially when you end your relationship with your beloved.
This is because there is attachment and love which cannot go away in just a day. So besides feeling embarrassed to talk after the breakup, rather become friends and act as a support system for each other.
During this time, you need to set up new boundaries and focus on self-care in your daily life.
11. Talk about the Finances
Since you all have been living together, and now you are breaking up. You both will have to move to other places.
Until now, it is very likely that you both were managing your expenses such as rent, groceries, electricity bills, and other expenses of living together.
So, discuss a time frame for each other when you both will be able to move out. And discuss the shared bills, bank accounts, and how you all plan to divide finances to ensure a smooth moving forward.
Sometimes, the moving out process might take longer because of the non-availability of a place to live. So do not make situations awkward for yourselves. Instead, discuss everything openly with your partner.
12. Talk about Co-Parenting if you have a Child
Breaking up with someone you live with and have a child with isn’t easy at all. So, married couples with a child need to make sure that nothing they do should affect their child in any way.
Therefore, discuss how you both will share the responsibility of the child. There should be no burden on one parent. You need to think and act like parents in this case.
Discuss openly, as the future of your child also matters. If your child is too small, they might not need an explanation.
However, if they are older, you will have to talk to them about you both parting ways. Therefore, discuss how you are going to do so.
The Final Note
You don’t need to think that after a breakup, you both cannot be friends. In fact, it can happen that you both are more compatible as friends than partners.
Also, as I mentioned earlier, it is not necessary to end it on bad terms. If you do so, it would be a bad idea to end the relationship. Just be honest, speak your heart out, and understand the other person’s feelings too.
In case, you feel exhausted after a breakup, you shouldn’t refrain from consulting a family therapist or clinical psychologist. It would help you get a good piece of advice on many fronts.