Have you ever felt left alone or suffered from heartbreak because of your high expectations from your friends, family, or boyfriend/girlfriend? When they don’t give you the desired attention, you often keep your ego aside and try to mend the relationship.
Do you know what, if there was an award for this, can you guess who would have won it?
Yes, the writer here, this side.
Well, I have been there too, and I advise you not to do the same which I did. If people do not want to be with you, accept it, and never force anyone to talk to you. Don’t force things.
When people you love start behaving differently, you get upset and try to wonder what has happened. You ask yourself what has gone wrong, and constantly try to initiate conversations with them.
I have been through this, and if there was one piece of advice based on my experiences, it would be that you should not compel anyone to communicate with you.
How I recall those times and wondered if only I knew my self-worth and had expectations only from the people who deserve so.
We often set expectations from the wrong people, and when things are not at par the way we want them to be, we lose our minds.It takes a toll on our mental health too.
So, before I emphasize the points as to why you should refrain from forcing someone to connect with you, let’s have a storytime.
So, I recently passed out of high school and was later admitted to University. In my high school, there was a girl named Mary (not revealing the original name because respecting the bond we had before), who was my Best Friend.
Since I have three elderly brothers who do love me a lot, I always craved a sister. And Mary was just like a sister to me, and we shared a great bond. We knew each other’s deepest secrets, gossiped a lot, studied together, watched movies together, partied a lot, and did a lot of crazy things.
Mary was the sister I always wanted and I was so grateful to have her. But after high school, a lot of things changed. We both got admitted to different universities since we had different career choices.
But I was very sure that despite this, our relationship is still gonna be the same. But I realized that Mary was not the same person she was before. She got new friends and a new circle, and slowly our conversations decreased from every day to once a week, then to once or twice a month.
I just did not know what my fault was. I used to regularly ask these questions-
Did I do something wrong?
Am I not worthy enough to be her best friend?
Is it that I am not as cool as her new friends?
See, these are the things that happen; you constantly start to find your shortcomings and your faults.
I used to be very sad since I was an introvert, and I did not have more than 2-3 friends in my life, and Mary was the closest. Even in university, I did not talk much to people.
Then one fine day, my maternal grandmother paid a visit to my home after a long time. She is extremely close to me. I was delighted to have her today. We talked a lot and had a great time.
Okay, so before I proceed with the story, let me ask you one thing –
Do you, too, believe mothers have a superpower? As in, they know ALL!
Do you believe Grandmothers have grand superpowers? They know All; by All I mean literally ALL!!!!
She knew something was wrong, so she asked me what had happened, And like a good granddaughter, I told her everything.
My grandmother listened to everything silently and then asked me –
Sweetheart, don’t you think you are being too harsh on yourself?
Grandma’s Lesson on Keeping a Good Relationship
It is not worth forcing anyone to connect with you. It’s because if you need to force someone to maintain a certain relationship, there is no relationship at all.
Why focus on people who are not interested in maintaining any relationship with you?
If you were so important to her, she too would have shown efforts from her side. It’s because relationships require mutual efforts from both sides.
And this really made me wonder how much time I wasted worrying, blaming myself, and doubting myself.
Things did start becoming better after this. This is because I understood the relationships which are really worth it and also the golden rule of any relationship – take care of your self-respect in any relationship.
Dangers of Compelling Some to Communicate with You
First and foremost important thing. If the other person is really interested in you, or care about your presence in their life, you will never be in a position where you will have to forcefully initiate conversations with them.
You lose a lot of your self-respect in this case. Well, I do understand we should keep our ego aside to save relationships, but you need to understand the difference between ego and self-respect. Imagine going back to the same person, trying to mend things when they are least interested in doing so.
Always remember that any relationship can work only if there are efforts from both sides. A relationship cannot be one-sided. Hence, get in peace with the fact that if someone does not want you in their life. By focusing on one person and forcing someone to talk to you, you lose the opportunity to make or nurture new and better relationships. Besides, focus on people who really want you in your life. Make more memories with them.
Sometimes, people need some space. They might not be talking to you for the same reason. Wait for some time and see if they get better with time. If not, do not hold on to them.
So these were the reasons why should you should respect someone’s boundaries during communication. One special piece of advice is not to fall into the trap of self-accusation. You are more than worthy of love and special people in life. Do not blame yourself for anything.
So, that is it. I hope now you do understand why no one should be coerced into conversing with you. Remember to let go of things and people when needed, and hold on to things and people who are really worth it.
This is the golden rule of any relationship. Giving space is okay, but keep a check if the person is really interested to have you in his/her life.